I want to go get a coffee, but I’m afraid to leave my house because my [hot] landlord is in the hallway with someone else, and they’re fixing the roof, which has water damage because the door to the actual roof sometimes gets left open, and he thinks I do it, but I don’t, because I had to sign an extra clause on my lease that said I would never go up there (I’ve broken that rule three times, though, I think, although each time I felt really guilty, unless I was drunk). But my apartment is at the foot of the stairs leading up to the roof, and whenever a new bad thing happens to the building because the door to the roof gets left open, he comes and knocks on my door and explains that the door to the roof should never be left open, ever, ever, why is it open, why is it still open?! And I explain that I don’t leave it open, it’s not me, I don’t know, and that I’ve never been up there, except once … in … the … spring? And then I look and sound like I’m lying, because I am, but really it isn’t me who leaves the door open. Why would I do that? OK I just had to put this somewhere, I do NOT LEAVE the door to the roof open!!! I’m not even allowed up there! When it looks like it’s open, I’m usually too nervous to go up there and see what’s up because I’m afraid someone will see me and think I just opened it or something. Ahhh the door to the roof is ruining my life!!